My Sympathetic-Unsympathetic Response to Shannon Harris’s Book, The Woman They Wanted

Last year, Shannon Harris published a book titled, The Woman They Wanted.  The subtitle is Shattering the Illusion of the Good Christian Wife.  The former wife of Joshua Harris is now an outspoken feminist who doesn’t know if God exists.   

I’ve added explanatory notes in brackets.  

“I assumed the church understood love.  I assumed it loved me, a woman.  It never occurred to me that misogyny [the hatred of woman] was a reason behind the teaching of submission.  Or that shaming those living outside the box of patriarchal norms was really just a way of hiding hatred and fear.  This has to be one of the greatest ironies of the church.  To proclaim a Creator so loudly, yet disrespect the creation [women] so deeply.” (p. 215) 

“I don’t know if God exists, but if so, then I have a feeling God is like music.  Music comes to life by and through human expression.  That is the beauty of it, the personalized nature of it.  No two people hear or play the same piece of music in the exact same way.  Whether we are the one singing or playing or listening, it isn’t about doing it right.” (p. 235) 

In the book, her revulsion to the good Christian wife is primarily directed at C.J. Mahaney, who approved her marriage to Josh, and Carolyn Mahaney, who discipled her.  Ultimately, however, her attack is on God who designed men and women for different roles and responsibilities that beautifully complement each other.  These parts of the book anger me because she mocks the wisdom of God and inserts herself as the all-wise one.  

But I am also sympathetic for what Shannon and thousands of others went through when C.J. and Carolyn forsook Covenant Life Church and cut off their relationships with dear friends because they were sinfully offended and angry.

Milestone Sunday (Sept. 5, 2004) – C.J. Mahaney turns Covenant Life Church over to Joshua Harris after 27 years as senior pastor.  Gary Ricucci (center).  Shannon Harris (right).  A day of great celebration and joyful anticipation. 

In the book, Shannon captures well the impact on her, the church, and Sovereign Grace Ministries.  This is before she was embittered toward C.J. and Carolyn and became a feminist.  What Shannon experienced is what we all experienced.  It had a devastating impact on many souls.

Joshua & Shannon Harris posing on walkway outside the building for Covenant Life Church in happier days. 

Here is what she says about C.J. early on in the book.  She is correct. 

“And he was quick to cut off relationships with those who did not show him the loyalty and admiration he felt he deserved.  And most significant was what I would come to learn later.  CJ’s misconduct would become public through some six hundred pages of evidence compiled by a former associate, titled The Documents.” (p. 10)

So here is my sympathetic-unsympathetic response to her book.  Unsympathetic first. 

The Self-Centered Life 

Shannon damns C.J. and his teaching throughout the book.  She also damns evangelicals, the Puritans, and the Reformed faith.  In other words, she castigates sound doctrine at every turn.  In this regard, the book is full of error!  It is as self-centered and self-exalting a writing as anything you’ll read. 

Shannon has been miserable for a long time.  That includes severe depression and suicidal ideation.  And yet she claims to have found the answers to happiness in herself recently.  She is deceived.  More misery and destruction await her according to the teaching of Jesus (Matt. 7:13, 24-27; Luke 6:46-49).   

Now, a year later, the euphoria of the book coming out and the press attention it garnered is gone.  She is left alone at age 49 with no marriage and family as she attempts a career in the performing arts with average talent as a professional singer, composer, actor, and writer.  Watch here.  

Shannon has not used “Harris” as her last name since October 2018.  That is when she took on the stage name, Shannon Bonne with the release of her only album comprised of six songs.  She reverted back to Harris for the book in order to sell more copies. 

Shannon Bonne’s official portrait as a “SINGER. COMPOSER. actor. writer.”  Posted October 29, 2021. 

She sees this pursuit as the answer to all her problems.  What a great tragedy!  She has forsaken Christ and Scripture for the world. 

Mark 8:36 For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? 

It has not always been this way. 

Renouncing the Gospel 

In 2004, we released Songs for the Cross Centered Life.  It was our richest worship album.  Shannon sang solo for This Fathomless Love (#6), Alas, and Did My Savior Bleed (#13), and the Gospel Song (#1, #15). 

The Gospel Song had profound lyrics and a simple but moving melody.  I once “preached” the song with accompanying Scriptures for a Christmas message.  It still brings me to tears when I sing it. 

Holy God in love became
Perfect man to bear my blame
On the cross He took my sin
By His death I live again

Shannon knew the gospel.  Fundamentally, she learned it from C.J.  She makes no mention of this great blessing.  Now she is singing songs for the self-centered life.  Her apostasy could not be greater.  As you read the book, it is clear she never surrendered her will to the Lord Jesus Christ.  Her “conversion” was a superficial one.  I don’t think she was ever born-again. 

Freeing Eve 

Here is what she says about the account of Eve in her chapter on freeing Eve. 

“The denial of the feminine is planted firmly into the heart of Christianity, and a shocking amount of that denial is accomplished through the story of Eve. 

“Within the first few chapters of Genesis, Eve’s wisdom, personhood, and dignity are called into question or negated altogether.  Meanwhile, man’s dominance, superior intelligence, and superior purpose over woman is established.  It’s awfully convenient for men who think very highly of themselves to have a God who also thinks this of them.  We have a woman who has just been created by God and declared a thing of goodness and beauty and in the very next breath she is awful and wrong.  She was beautiful.  Then she was awful.  The man was beautiful, too.  And now, by comparison, he is extra beautiful.  Praise God [sarcastically].” (p. 191) 

Moses recorded the historical account of Adam and Eve in Genesis 1-3.  Jesus attests to its truthfulness when teaching on the subject of divorce (Matt. 19:4-6).  

In the account, the Lord God creates Eve after Adam (2:7-8), from Adam (2:22-23), and for Adam (2:18).  These facts of creation are theologically important.  Adam and Eve are different by design.  Male and female he created them (1:27). 

Yet, Moses conveys none of the above as presented by Shannon.  It is a perverse twisting of Scripture.  Her bitter resentment of God and men is evident in the words:  “Praise God” “he is extra beautiful.”  I think of 2 Peter 2:1-2. 

But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed. 

True femininity, or the good Christian wife as defined by Scripture, is “planted into the heart of Christianity” by Jesus himself.  All things were created through him.  All Scripture is inspired by him.  That includes Genesis 1-3. 

Eve Punished for Her Curiosity 

Shannon continues her distortion of Scripture and attack on Moses.  This is misandry, not misogyny.  

“I see a woman who has been misrepresented and punished unjustly to be used as an example.  I see a brave woman who took initiative and was punished severely for it.  A woman whose wisdom is discounted in order to make another’s appear superior.  I see a woman who is comfortable in her body and grounded there on earth.  I see a woman who is relational and giving.  Most of all, I see a woman punished for her curiosity. 

“Since Eve is not here to tell her own story we go on trust that the theologians have it right and have our best interests in mind.  But what if they don’t?  What if Eve did exactly right by taking the fruit?  What if she was supposed to have wisdom?  What if she didn’t need to cover up all her girly parts with a fig leaf because someone was afraid of her?  

“Eve’s story is not our story.  Eve’s story is a story church men have told about a woman they have never met.  She is the only one who can accurately tell her story, just as we are the only ones who can tell ours.  If women are to be free from the heavy hand of patriarchy, we all must be free, and this includes Eve, who has been bound to a story that has in turn been bound to us.  But if we free Eve from the false narrative that clings to her, we can free ourselves from our own.” (pp. 192-193) 

The story of Eve is the story told us by Moses, not church men.  Moses was the most humble man on the earth (Num. 12:3) and God spoke to him face to face (Ex. 33:11).  He was not a heavy handed patriarch.  He was a God fearing gentleman and the unique recipient of divine revelation. 

Furthermore, Abraham was the first patriarch and his wife Sarah is held up as the premier example of godly submission in the New Testament.  Of course, the teaching of the apostle Peter in 1 Peter 3:1-6 is repulsive to feminists.  It says in part, 

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. 

They also hate the teaching of Paul the apostle in Ephesians 5:24, 33; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Corinthians 11:3, 7-9; and 1 Timothy 2:9-15; 5:14-15. 

And it must be kept in mind that the Lord God ordained patriarchy in the Old Testament.  It is not the invention of men.  He called men as leaders in their families, leaders over larger clans, heads over the 12 tribes of Israel, priests in the tabernacle/temple, and elders in society.  Similarly, the four major and 12 minor OT prophets were all men.  Leadership in the Old and New Testament is male.  That is the clear teaching of Scripture.  

That is also why Jesus chose 12 men to be his apostles.  Those men became the foundation of the church universal with himself the chief cornerstone (Eph. 2:20; Rev. 21:14).  Jesus did not do this because of societal expectations or cultural norms he had to accommodate.  He did this in keeping with the ordinances of creation.  The apostles followed his example and appointed seven men to oversee the distribution of food to widows in the Jerusalem church (Acts 6:1-7).  

This leadership role doesn’t make men superior.  It makes them responsible.  Mankind was plunge into death and depravity because of Adam’s sin, not Eve’s sin (Rom. 5:12-19).  Eve disobeyed her husband and listened to the serpent (3:1-5).  Adam disobeyed God and listened to his wife (Gen. 3:17). 

The Sympathetic Part 

Shannon refers to a call Josh received on vacation in June 2011 about my third document, Concluding Remarks. 

“We were on vacation in Sarasota, Florida, when Josh got a phone call.  I heard his voice sink two octaves.  Recent months had been tenuous ones for the denomination [Sovereign Grace Ministries].  For more than five years [actually seven years], some of CJ’s key leaders had been trying to address patterns they’d seen in his leadership such as hypocrisy and deceit, but had yet to reach a satisfying resolution.  The constant tension surrounding CJ had been building and had now come to a head.  Listening to Josh take stressful phone calls like this had become a regular part of my life.” (p. 129) 

The phone call was from Grant Layman or Kenneth Maresco.  They were Josh’s executive pastors.  I sent Concluding Remarks to them on June 8, 2011.  It was 202 pages long and documented C.J.’s blackmail of Larry Tomczak, one of our founders.  C.J. never told any of his fellow pastors about his criminal behavior.  He covered it up like so much else.  They were rightly appalled and angered. 

“When the call ended, Josh told me that one of CJ’s founding partners had compiled a third collection of documents [Concluding Remarks]—hundreds of pages of emails, letters, meeting notes, and other not-so-shiny personal information intended to show evidence for the concerns the men had been trying to raise with CJ.  This time the pages included evidence of blackmail.  What’s more, someone had leaked the pages onto the internet.  Soon the whole ministry would be aware there was trouble in the kingdom.” (p. 129) 

When C.J.’s hypocrisy and deceit continued I sent Response to Friendship & Doctrine (RRF&D), A Final Appeal (AFA), Concluding Remarks (CR), and The Untold Story (TUS) to all the Sovereign Grace pastors on July 6-7, 2011.  Someone posted them on the internet on July 7 using Scribd. They are still there and include a total of seven documents. 

The following month I started my blog at BrentDetwiler.com to help “Christians judge righteously, think biblically, and live courageously” in the midst of so much propaganda being put out by Sovereign Grace Ministries.  Here’s my first article. 

No One Can Question C.J.'s Public Confession of Specific Sin - Really?
Wednesday, August 3, 2011 at 1:24PM 

Shannon continues and she is correct.         

“Here was CJ’s opportunity to show us all that he was capable of taking what he dished out.  This time he was the one in the hot seat and the entire ministry was watching.  Unfortunately, he didn’t take it.  Not in my opinion.  At our annual Leaders Conference I found the words he shared to be remarkably brief and avoidant and caused people to have to choose sides.  Then, CJ simply walked off the stage and out of our lives.  He abruptly severed ties with Josh and me and any others who could not, or would not, absolve him of all responsibility.  He announced he was moving the ministry headquarters to another state and began packing immediately.   Divisions everywhere followed—within our team, within our church, within the denomination.  Even family members were split apart.  I never again heard from Bob [Kauflin], Carolyn [Mahaney], or the handful of other pastors and wives who went with CJ.” (pp. 129-130) 

Four months after The Documents were sent out, C.J. spoke at the annual Pastors  Conference.  Shannon calls it the Leadership Conference.  The recording was not made public.  Someone sent me a private copy.  I transcribed it.   

C.J.’s message was woeful!  It revealed how “desperately sick” (Jer. 17:9, ESV) his heart had become.  Pastors throughout Sovereign Grace Ministries were stunned by his arrogance.  They were expecting humility, but instead they got defiance.  Churches began to leave in droves the following year in 2012 including Covenant Life Church. 

Soon after the Pastors Conference, C.J. made plans to relocate Sovereign Grace Ministries to Louisville, KY under false pretense and start a church.  He deserted the 2,508 active members (which did not include children and youth, or adult attenders) at Covenant Life Church and the 90,000 square foot addition to the original 45,000 square foot facility.  This expanded facility was also used for Sovereign Grace conferences and centrally located for most of the churches.  

Some 4,000 people attended Covenant Life Church each Sunday in 2011.  Attendance is down to approximately 1,000 people in 2024.  The staff has been drastically reduced.

He also left in the dust the 27 members on the administrative staff for Sovereign Grace Ministries and the 16,000 square foot space for offices, a welcome center, the Pastors College with its lecture room, library, coffee house eatery, and social area; a state of the art recording studio, and a large warehouse.  Only a few employees went with him to Louisville, KY. 

The entrance to “PDI’s New Home” as it was called back then.  It housed the Pastors College and administrative offices.

In our 2002 Ministry Overview, we wrote in part, 

“Sincere thanks to each of you who, inspired by an extraordinarily gracious God, and motivated by the gospel, have made this possible.  Because of you, we can enter this marvelous new building debt-free!” 

C.J. trashed all of it due to his anger and bitterness.  People gave so heroically.  It didn’t matter to him.  The sense of betrayal was overwhelming and leaving behind empty the “marvelous new building” an offense to God.  He provided the facility for the praise of His glory and the advancement of the gospel through the sacrificial giving of thousands.  C.J. was only concerned about himself.  No one else.  Nothing else. 

Shannon says, “I found the words he shared to be remarkably brief and avoidant and caused people to have to choose sides.”  That is a very generous assessment.  Here is an excerpt from an article I wrote at the time. 

Transcript of C.J. Mahaney’s Remarks at Sovereign Grace Ministries 2011 Pastors Conference - BrentDetwiler.com - (squarespace.com)
November 12, 2011 

The Pastors Conference last week afforded C.J. his first opportunity to interact with the SGM pastors.  He could have taken the opportunity to humble himself; instead, he took the opportunity to justify himself.  After four months of supposed “self-examination” and pastoral care, C.J. retracted his confession, lamented his leave of absence, appealed for sympathy, justified his departure from CLC, minimized his personal sins, used morally neutral language to cover over his leadership sins (e.g., “deficiencies,” “weaknesses,” “not communicating wisely,” “inadequate,” etc.), vindicated himself by quoting others, commended himself for his self-examination and humbly over-stating his sin; rejected my narrative, accusations, interpretations and judgments as false [in The Documents]; said he never believed his sins were uncommon, scandalous or disqualifying [not even the blackmail]; didn’t believe there were systemic (widespread) problems in SGM, blamed slanderers for distorting (exaggerating) the problems in SGM, acknowledged no abuse of authority in the sinful handling of former leaders, focused on those that “assault” him, and called for the discipline of “divisive” church members by courageous pastors.     

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, C.J. did not ask forgiveness of the pastors for any aspect of his character, example, or leadership.  He saw no need to ask the pastors forgiveness for anything.  He was focused on the sins against him, his overstatement of sin, and the [supposed] exploitation of his sin by others.  He was not focused on his sins against others including the pastors and the movement.  My documents, blog posts, letters from others, and input from others resulted in absolutely no acknowledgement of wrongdoing.  Not once does C.J. say, “I was wrong, please forgive me.” 

Five months after his message, Sovereign Grace Ministries announced its move to Louisville, KY saying it was more centrally located and cost effective.  That was nuts.  The statement was another example of extraordinary deceit.  The plan had been in the works for months.  I wrote about it. 

Sovereign Grace Ministries' Relocation Announcement
Saturday, April 21, 2012 at 11:25PM 

This next quote from Shannon is painfully true.  She, like thousands of others, was “blindsided by CJ’s response.”  It changed her view of him and everyone else in Covenant Life Church.  He forsook “the dearest place on earth” as he often called it following the example of Charles H. Spurgeon.  He also believed it was the greatest place on earth.  But all that abruptly changed when members and leaders started asking questions and calling him to account for his hypocrisy.  Then he ran.  Thousands were stumbled in the church not to mention many thousands outside the church.  Over 12,000 people left SGM from 2012-2014.  More thereafter. 

“Initially, I was blindsided by CJ’s response.  I still wanted to believe the best about CJ.  But his reaction changed my view once and for all.  I thought, “My God, we really are in Oz.”  There were many things that were still unclear to me, but one thing was clear.  In the hour when people most needed a shepherd and a leader, when the past came to be reckoned with, when the house the man built was burning, his choice was to leave it behind and start over someplace else.  The greatest place on Earth?  Eh, they can save themselves.” (p. 130) 

Covenant Life Church was a mega-church.  The overwhelming majority agreed with Shannon.  Only 45 adults and children went with C.J. to Louisville.  Most were family related. 

Why did he flee and sever friendships?  Shannon is exactly right.  “He abruptly severed ties with Josh and me and any others who could not, or would not, absolve him of all responsibility.”  Sinfully withdrawing when offended was a long term pattern of sin I carefully began to address in 1983 in his relationship with Larry Tomczak.  It was never mortified. 

Dave Harvey put it this way in November 2004. 

“To correct CJ, or to challenge his own self-perception, was to experience a reaction through e-mails, consistent disagreement (without seeking to sufficiently understand), a lack of sufficient follow-up and occasionally, relational withdrawal.  Along with this, CJ was poor in volunteering areas of sin, temptation or weakness in himself.” (RRF&D, p. 37) 

C.J. loved praise (and received plenty) but he hated criticism.  “No one likes to be criticized, especially people who are accustomed to praise.” (R.C. Sproul, The Holiness of God, p. 63) 

Yellow Tulips for Friendship 

C.J. can be kind.  He can also be ruthless.  Even cruel.  I’ve see the later not only in relation to me or Shannon but in relation to scores of other pastors formerly part of Sovereign Grace Ministries.  He’s done the same with leaders outside of Sovereign Grace.  For example, men like Ken Sande and David Powlison.  When they corrected him, he cut them off.  He has left a wake of destruction in his path.  So have his enablers and “co-dependents.” 

Shannon tells the story of trying to reach out to Julie Purswell and Julie Kauflin.  She also references a “Nancy.”  That is probably a reference to Nancy Loftness.  Julie is married to Jeff Purswell.  He is on C.J.’s pastoral staff, on the Sovereign Grace leadership team, and heads up the Pastors College. 

“CJ was packing up the headquarters of the ministry and moving to Kentucky with some of our team.  I debated at length about whether or not I should say goodbye in person to three of the women who were special to me.  Each of their husbands was aligning with CJ, and everyone on their side of the situation had gone radio silent. 

“It seemed wrong to me to not say goodbye.  Julie P. had been a very close friend.  Nancy had been a true mentor to me.  And Juile K., Bob’s wife, had been an important figure in my life.  I decided I would regret it one day if I didn’t at least try to make peace.  I made up three glass mason jars with a bunch of yellow tulips and tied a ribbon around each one.  Yellow for friendship. 

“I couldn’t believe that after fifteen years of shared life—ladies’ meetings, getaway retreats, high teas, pizzas, bridal showers, weddings, women’s events, babies, conferences with our husbands, conferences without our husbands, picnics, homeschooling, tears, celebrations, prayers, Starbucks, screaming toddlers, meals for births and illnesses, apple picking, pumpkin patches, Christmas parties, meetings, meetings, and more meetings—our relationships were ending like this. … 

“I went to Julie P.’s house first.  It felt strange to be so nervous to visit someone who once was one of my dearest friends.  She was cold and her eyes told me I was dead to her.  I gave her the flowers, a hug, and told her I loved her, and I left.  Julie K. was next.  Same scene.  Cold eyes, I gave her the flowers, I told her I loved her, and I left.  At Nancy’s, no one answered the door.  I left her tulips on the porch and said goodbye to the air.” (pp. 131-132) 

Shannon summarizes her horrific experience below. 

“The church split and all that came with it devastated me.  My whole world just crumbled in an instant.  Relationships I’d built my life around just turned to dust in my hands.  CJ and Carolyn were not the people I thought they were.  The abrupt loss of friendships felt like multiple deaths at once.  And the hypocrisy of it all was too much to take.  To have heard the words forgiveness and grace in hundreds of sermons, thousands of prayers, in every quote, every song, at every meeting and then to discover that in real life it had no impact on our actual relationships … I had never experienced something so deeply and profoundly disturbing in all my life.” (p. 132) 

Shannon’s words deserve a re-reading.  What she describes was true for thousands of people including hundreds of young people who looked up to C.J. and Carolyn.  It was especially true for those of us who were close to them.  

C.J. instructing the flock on a Sunday morning at Covenant Life Church 

Yet, C.J. put himself forward as a modern day Job who endured great suffering at the hands of his friends.  He was righteous like Job.  He once declared with great zeal and intensity that he lived everything he taught.          

“Do you know what has led more people astray in Christianity than anything else, it is people who don’t live it.  It’s people who preach it and don’t live it.  I want to tell you tonight, I live it.  And I am asking you to look at me, and look at my life and I am telling you that I live this life that I preach tonight.  And that is the wonderful thing about living in the freedom of the Lord.  And I am not preaching something I don’t live at home and that is the glorious truth that everybody here should be able to stand up and say, “Yep, I preach Jesus but I live Jesus too.  And you watch me and see me do it.”  Amen?” 

You can listen here.

In reality, C.J. “led more people astray…than anything else” by not practicing what he preached.  Though he denies all wrong doing he will give an account to God.  Before then, I hope he gets right with the Jesus he preaches and returns to CLC to ask forgiveness.

“I still had to go back and be the pastor’s wife for my grieving church.  I saw firsthand the wreckage left behind when a leader refuses to face his own humanity.  Our congregation was hurting, confused, angry, and disillusioned, and they had every right to be.  In public I appeared strong.  But at home I was drowning in grief of my own.  We watched a lot of people leave the church that year.” (p. 133) 

This was a time of despair for many people.  Especially for those who “worshiped” C.J.  Their idol came crashing down.  In too many cases, it revealed a lack of Christ centered devotion.  Let me explain. 

The hypocrisy of leaders like C.J. is often used as an excuse to “de-convert” or become “de-churched” but this will not stand up to the scrutiny of God.  Jesus Christ is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow.  He has never let us down.  In fact, he is the One who exposed C.J. and brought Sovereign Grace down. 

Moreover, we are judged based on what we do with Jesus.  He asked his disciples, “But who do you say I am?”  The answer, “You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God.” (Matt. 16:15-16)  Reject C.J.  That’s fine.  Reject the Son of God and you will perish everlastingly and never know the incomparable joys of heaven, nor the blessings of loving him now.  And don’t give up on Christ’s church.  Find the best one possible and get involved.  Or start a small gathering of believers in your home. 

Josh and Shannon were sinned against by C.J. and Carolyn and their inner circle of friends and family.  They were betrayed and suffered greatly.  C.J. abandoned them and then blamed them.  He took no responsibility.  I am genuinely sympathetic for what they experienced.  It deeply affects me to read what Shannon shares about her experience with C.J., et al.  

Yet, Josh and Shannon have also renounced Jesus Christ and holy Scripture and made themselves out to be “gods.”  They once embraced the gospel, taught the gospel, and sang the gospel.  Now they have “trampled underfoot the Son of God,” “regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant,” and “insulted the Spirit of grace.”   The severity of punishment that awaits them cannot be overstated.  Read Hebrews 10:26-31.  “It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

Josh and Shannon can’t blame C.J. for their apostasy, only themselves.  They are without excuse.  They have also determined to lead their generation and the next generation away from Christ.  Don’t listen to them!  They are antichrists.  Knowing, serving, and suffering for Jesus is the greatest privilege in all the world!   

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